Q: If you had the choice to stay home with your baby or part - time (two to three days per week), which would - you? Let's say you love your job and primarily with their skills (medical) deteriorate in recent years beyond recognition, stay home. On the other hand, you can not imagine, bring your baby to the nursery because it firmly believes in self-care itself. to earn the money part-time work would be a wash, to be paid directly to the daycare because the job paid very little. I tend to stay at home because my daughter my priority. But sometimes I'm afraid of not being able to find a job in the future. Any ideas?
A: I have many thoughts, and none of them is really important. Why? You (almost) knows what he wants: they want to stay with your baby at home.
So why are you writing to me? Ask for permission? Data for promising that nothing bad to happen your career? Your child will be better because you stay at home?
I understand.
If you can afford one of the lucky American parents who have this possibility, it is also quite unhappy to have no clear answers in front of you. And I'm not going to simplify things. If you find evidence, like that children are better off with working parents, that is. If you find evidence, like that the children are more comfortable with a parent who is also. support No Data almost every choice you make, which is quite frustrating.
From the perspective of development, younger children are, the more they have a parent or stay (when the parents or caregivers a person is emotionally and physically safe to be with). Very young children are better off with fewer adults to connect normally (and even fewer children), but a nice day care providers, this connection can also be made available. Do you see? It's just not clear. Although the relationship with babies only a few adults who always "fixing" been a part of great nations - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, brothers and sisters around them. Someone was always there to bring a baby (or two). Therefore, babies are connected actually just stay with the adults, but also mature in a community of love and grow.
Yet he did not help directly? Here's the deal: I have seen many mothers, fathers, customers, friends and family who have worked without work, then work back and stayed at home again and so on. I saw them dive and snorkel in terms of what a child needs, what budget needs of the family and the needs of parents. they all have the job for them at this time. If it stops working, it's time to think again.
So let's to the point.
1. Many parents can leave with someone their babies, especially the use of the kindergarten, and very serious decisions taken in a very emotional feelings do not understand. Be careful on your finances over the next two years, four years, six years, etc. It is one thing to see your money go in a short time to day care, but it is another thing when the potential income lost to understand the way. If you can, make a financial analyst that you want to show the many opportunities in front of you.
2. I know that can feel the return to work after a baby traumatic. want to stick his body and hormones work together to keep this baby close as possible, not to mention the baby is designed to stick to you. But soon (sooner than you think), you will be a certain degree of mental and physical breathing and lose his career, give love. You may miss the challenges, the community and the satisfaction with call something your own. You can, as you mentioned, is the loss of valuable skills. Or maybe not. I invite you to examine the love that you have for your career, and how stunted if left behind. Perhaps it is the victim remain at home. Or not. (See? I'm not really tell you what to do here.)
3. It also takes account of other options that the kindergarten before. There is no doubt that the custody of American children lack in terms of accessibility and ease, but when you think about two or three days, you will be surprised Nanny Nanny and sharing options use it. Research your options, visit the kindergarten and talk to other people. Although I have not met the parents, if you leave the intensive your baby the first day pain, you can find an option that feels great and not so frightening.
4. Do not mention a few, but if you have one, please bring these partners in the decision-making process: emotionally, logistically and financially. No matter what you decide, you need to support. While having a baby to stay at home is an amazing and worthwhile option, but it can also alienation, boredom, depression and anxiety bring. You need to surround yourself with like-minded people and find a rhythm and routine that works for your family.
5. Finally, while crying "poor" to write, "exclusion" or "to sleep", know that nothing lasts forever. The baby grows, change routines that children go to school, changed, changing passions, Elbow Wedding, and changes in work culture. always they know that there is a choice. You can stay at home and work later. He did not feel the same as before, but nothing. You can stay at work and decide to leave later. Every day is a new day, come to a decision and to accept losses and dividends you want. accept change His passions and priorities and new forms (and often surprising). Whatever you do, I invite you to the pieces of the puzzle of your life to take in front of you and continue turning until it makes safe and comfortable in a way that you feel.
8 Send questions meghan@mlparentcoach.com to education.
Also at washingtonpost.com Read the transcript of a recent Q & A live with Leahy washingtonpost.com/advice where you can also find on columns. Your next debate is on the 28th. September
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